Beacher's house
09:27 AM PT, Jul 30 2007
Consider this "Part 1" of my night with comedian Artie Lange on Saturday night into Sunday morning. But I only get to say "hello" to Artie Lange in this part.
My dealings with Vegas headliners, executives and producers are usually conducted under very formal circumstances. We sit down to a meal with a publicist between us. This isn't always the case but, certainly I have never been invited to Elton's penthouse or Celine's mansion or even, and this remains a dream, to Wayne Newton's Shenandoah to meet his penguins.
But on Saturday, Hard Rock headliner and producer Jeff Beacher of Beacher's Madhouse invited me to his home. Actually, kidnapped me is sort of a better way to put it. The plan had been to spend the evening watching Artie Lange party in Vegas the night of his sold-out performance promoted by Beacher. But when I met up with Beacher and Artie Lange at the Hard Rock's Nobu a couple of hours before the show, Beacher, I guess, wanted Lange to have some relaxed time with his entourage before being hassled by me. So he ordered me to come along with him, promising a reunion with Artie backstage in the green room before the show.
At first, Beacher took me along as he was doing the traditional promoter activities: checking in with box office numbers, checking on the stage and sound technicians, etc. And then we were waiting outside the Hard Rock for Beacher's car, which was supposed to be driven by his bodyguard/driver. "I need to run home and shower," he explained. Soon the car arrived but no bodyguard/driver. No matter, we hopped into the Cadillac SUV and were off. I learned right away that there is a good reason Beacher uses a driver on show nights: his eyes were fixated on his BlackBerry and his attention distracted by phone calls. Driving was definitely not his priority. When we stopped at a red light, I would have to yell "green" when Beacher was too engrossed in texting to notice. I noticed he wasn't wearing his seat belt. "It will be fine," he said. Though he did put the seat belt on.
But once we drove past the security gate and parked in Beacher's garage, he was suddenly nervous. "Why is my door open?" And it was and lights were on and it was clear someone was inside or had been inside. I asked Beacher if he wanted me to call 9-1-1, but instead we went in the house like idiots in a horror movie. Beacher hung back and allowed me to take the lead. He seemed a bit more freaked out than I was; but he was also more surprised than scared and I was curious (which is one of the most idiotic bad habits of being "working press" at moment like this). At my own home I would have pulled out of the garage, called the police, and waited for them to arrive and go inside. I am not particularly brave. But since I was working, I instead figured this should be good for the story. Besides, if someone had broken into Beacher's home, the person would be long gone. Also, I could see nothing was messy and lots of expensive computer and home theater equipment was sitting about; a robbery in progress appeared unlikely.
On the other hand, weirdness was definitely afoot. Beacher was surprised by a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the downstairs floor and a bathrobe and belt that didn't belong to him near the stairs. Beacher went onto the back balcony of the house, and I started alone up the winding interior staircase to see if anyone was upstairs. My heart was racing; I was halfway up the stairs when Beacher called for me to come back to him. I joined him outside on the balcony. "This is crazy, no one is supposed to be here," Beacher said. But now I was distracted. Beacher lives in an exclusive development called The Lakes. And I had not taken that name literally before; on Beacher's outdoor balcony I was looking at a body of water with a boat motoring past us in the middle of the Nevada desert. Water crisis? What water crisis?
On the other hand, weirdness was definitely afoot. Beacher was surprised by a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the downstairs floor and a bathrobe and belt that didn't belong to him near the stairs. Beacher went onto the back balcony of the house, and I started alone up the winding interior staircase to see if anyone was upstairs. My heart was racing; I was halfway up the stairs when Beacher called for me to come back to him. I joined him outside on the balcony. "This is crazy, no one is supposed to be here," Beacher said. But now I was distracted. Beacher lives in an exclusive development called The Lakes. And I had not taken that name literally before; on Beacher's outdoor balcony I was looking at a body of water with a boat motoring past us in the middle of the Nevada desert. Water crisis? What water crisis?
Then we heard someone calling Beacher's name from upstairs. We headed back inside to discover Beacher's missing driver/security guard in his skivvies upstairs. The man seemed disoriented.
"Does he have a key?" I asked Beacher. I kept my voice hushed. Beacher shook his head in slow shock. This was clearly a surprise.
"Are you all right, buddy?" Beacher asked the guy in the solicitous way one deals with the dangerous and crazy. And the guy begen to talk slowly and slurred. There was a long story, an incoherent story, about falling from the stairs, building Beacher a new office, a nap and something about accidentally taking another man's suit. That other man turned out to be one of Beacher's investors. Normally, I would expect Beacher's temper to explode. But instead it was a rare moment of speechlessness from Jeff Beacher.
"We have to go," Beacher finally told the man. Beacher was being very gentle. We both knew we were dealing with someone who has had something go very wrong, and somewhere in the conversation the man mentioned he had a collection of knives. I also distinctly heard the word gun. We were also running late for the sold-out Artie Lange show: Jeff Beacher's sold-out Artie Lange show.
"You should go to the hospital," Beacher told the guy. I seconded the opinion. But the man refused. I offered to call an ambulance. But he wanted to work the show. And so we headed back to the Hard Rock. I was actually glad Beacher did not consider letting his driver drive. The man was making crazy mutterings in the back seat. The man wanted to work. Beacher cranked up the radio. We sort of planned between us to put the guy in a taxi to the emergency room from the Hard Rock. But when we got there the guy refused our offer and wandered off when we got back to the casino. But before he left he grabbed my shoulder, hard, looked me in the eyes and said: "If Beacher gets in trouble and needs me tonight, call. I am fine. I want to work." I nodded and told him again that I thought he should go to the hospital.
"You get to know all kinds of people in this business," Beacher said.
All this was prelude. All this, before I even hooked up with Artie Lange
Bookmark it:   |
TrackBack
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/t/trackback/532456/20441818
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Beacher's house :
Ive worked with beacher in the past and been to his house...and let me tell you its off the hook! his lifestyle is truly "vegas" in every way.
Posted by: Matty | July 30, 2007 at 12:40 PM
This is the funniest thing ive ever read! I love Jeff and I can totally see this happening to him. Only in Vegas baby.
Posted by: JessiVegas | July 30, 2007 at 12:46 PM
I love Beach! He could take me to his house anyday! Well...as long as maybe the knife guy wasnt there...!
Posted by: Amber | July 30, 2007 at 12:52 PM
Haha, what an interesting adventure you had. Sounds like Beacher is one hell of a guy!!!
Posted by: Jessika Smith | July 30, 2007 at 12:52 PM
Beacher's pad is RAD!!! How crazy is that to find some random dude in your house!
Posted by: TaraLeaven | July 30, 2007 at 01:00 PM
I couldn't stop laughing after I read this article! Beacher knows how to entertain hs guests well!!!
Posted by: Annie Rolles | July 30, 2007 at 01:07 PM
Beacher sounds like one of the hardest workin men in the biz. Pretty crazy to find your driver nearly naked in your house though!!
Posted by: Tammy Dallas | July 30, 2007 at 01:16 PM
I would love to be kidnapped by Beacher....anytime!
Posted by: Cindy | July 30, 2007 at 01:20 PM
How freaky that would be to have my missing bodyguard show up in my house!!!! Beach played that one reeeaaal smooth. We love ya, man!
Posted by: Vince D. | July 30, 2007 at 01:35 PM
I don't think I could have handled it nearly as well as Beacher in this case. Such a weird happening that I'd be on edge about the whole thing! I guess that's why they call it the MADhouse!!!
Posted by: Tom Wallace | July 30, 2007 at 01:55 PM
I've been to several of the Beacher's Madhouse shows and this one was great!! It wasn't the typical Madhouse show but it was a great show anyway! Count me in on the next one too!
Posted by: Isabella Gianellia | July 30, 2007 at 01:59 PM
What a bodyguard, Beach! Sounds like it was an outrageous night!
Posted by: Tameron G. | July 30, 2007 at 02:15 PM
I LOVE BEACHER!!!
Posted by: Tammy | July 30, 2007 at 02:23 PM
Beacher is the man!!! His Madhouse is so amazing. We love you, Beach! You make the Hard Rock what it is today!
Posted by: Tamera D. | July 30, 2007 at 02:24 PM
I saw the show last night and it was great! The only thing it was missing? MORE JEFF BEACHER!
Posted by: Sarah | July 30, 2007 at 02:25 PM
Beach is one goregous guy! I can't wait to see the next Variety Show!
Posted by: Ike El. | July 30, 2007 at 02:26 PM
What a way to spend a Saturday night with Beacher! He's such a kick-ass dude! Love you bro!!!
Posted by: NeilF | July 30, 2007 at 02:28 PM
Beach is so chill!!! It's even a madhouse under your own roof. You're the man, Beacher! THE man of Vegas!
Posted by: Will Nichols | July 30, 2007 at 02:32 PM
Beacher seemed to handled it as well as anyone could have. I know I wouldn't have done the same. I'd have flipped out probably but I guess I wasn't there so.... Kuddo's to Jeff Beacher still putting on an amazing show!
Posted by: Jim Wonder | July 30, 2007 at 02:33 PM
Marry me, Beacher!!! I want to experience your personal madhouse!! ;)
Posted by: Sara E. | July 30, 2007 at 02:34 PM
If it wasn't for Beacher, I don't think Las Vegas would be as amazing as it is. I'm in love with you, Jeff!!! Can't wait for the next show!
Posted by: Lizzy Cellin | July 30, 2007 at 02:35 PM
I met Jeff a few times hanging out for the Madhouse shows and I'll tell you what... that man is a STUD!
Posted by: Candacee | July 30, 2007 at 02:38 PM
The next show should have more Jeff Beacher... Yes, I vote for more Beach, baby!
Posted by: Amanda H. | July 30, 2007 at 02:40 PM
I haven't been to a Beacher's show I didn't enjoy greatly!!! More props for Beacher!!!! <3
Posted by: Daemon | July 30, 2007 at 02:42 PM
When's the next show? I can't wait cause Jeff Beacher knows how to please an audience. He is truly the showman of Veags. You're the man Beacher!
Posted by: Joe Sazz | July 30, 2007 at 02:43 PM
I would of been more outraged that my driver was in his undies under my own roof instead of picking me up on such a busy night. This goes to show how amazing Beacher is. YOU RULE, BABE!!!!
Posted by: Jessie R. | July 30, 2007 at 02:44 PM
Under those circumstances I think I'd have shot first and asked questions later. Beacher apparently has ice in his veins to be so cool.
Posted by: Jack J. | July 30, 2007 at 02:46 PM
Haha, I wish it were I who was in Beacher's in nothing but my skiwies!!!! I love you, Jeff. You know how to throw a raging party even before the show :D
Posted by: Leaha King | July 30, 2007 at 02:47 PM
Knives and guns, huh? Oh Beach, you know exactly how to make the crowd go wild on a Saturday night! Too bad I couldn't witness this, baby!
Posted by: KimV | July 30, 2007 at 02:49 PM
That night was definitely for the books. The show was amazing, Beach. Every show you throw is a hit! Even when your driver thinks you need a new office, heh! Vegas loves you!
Posted by: Elaine K | July 30, 2007 at 02:51 PM
I would of been speechless, too, Jeff! You're such a terrific man! Mi Amor'!!!!
Posted by: Ali Leven | July 30, 2007 at 02:55 PM
Jeff Beacher is the man of the year. More props to you and your fabulous shows!!!!
Posted by: Isa Belle | July 30, 2007 at 03:14 PM
Jeff, you know how to throw one hell of a night!!! I wonder what other tricks you have up your sleeve ;)
Posted by: Louise M. | July 30, 2007 at 03:17 PM
What a situation to come home too! Sounds like your driver is just as outrageous as you babe!
Posted by: Nancy Loft | July 30, 2007 at 03:23 PM
Jeff, you're just what I need on a hot Saturday night in Vegas!!! Your Madhouse is BRILLIANT!!!! <3
Posted by: Tara E. | July 30, 2007 at 03:25 PM
If I had to rate the Madhouse from 1-10, 10 being the best place in Vegas.... I would rate it an 11!!!!! Jeff, you're such a doll!!!!
Posted by: Sarah s. | July 30, 2007 at 03:29 PM
Jeff, I'm so impressed with the shows you throw in your Madhouse!!! My girlfriends and I just adore you!!!!
Posted by: Lindzee W. | July 30, 2007 at 03:41 PM
Jeff, tell me your secrets, man. How do you do this? You're so wicked!!!
Posted by: Thomas A. | July 30, 2007 at 03:52 PM
Beacher, you and your Madhouse are the reasons why I love Vegas so much. It's my favorite joint to be at!!! I tell all my boys to check it out everytime they're here!
Posted by: Adrian M. | July 30, 2007 at 03:54 PM
I have never EVER disliked a show you've done. Bravo, Beacher!!! Bravo!
Posted by: Josie H. | July 30, 2007 at 03:55 PM
Give me more, Jeff!!!! Sounds like the Madhouse crew is the S**T!
Posted by: Michelle G. | July 30, 2007 at 03:56 PM
After reading this article I'm amazed that the show went as smoothly as it did. What would Sin City do without the Madhouse and Jeff Beacher?
Posted by: Richard W. | July 30, 2007 at 04:02 PM
Jeff Beacher and the Madhouse rock HARDCORE!!!! What a great show!!!
Posted by: Yovona E. | July 30, 2007 at 04:02 PM
If anybody needs a recommandation, I tell them to hit up your Madhouse!!!! What wonderful performances!
Posted by: Vivian P. | July 30, 2007 at 04:05 PM
Not only is Jeff Beacher the hottest man in Vegas, his shows are incredible. Anybody reading this should check out the Madhouse when you get the chance!!!
Posted by: Teresa M | July 30, 2007 at 04:06 PM
I'd have never thought that the show could be that good without Beacher's Babies and the go-go dancers but it was just as good as any comedy show I've seen here in Vegas.
Posted by: Stuart Wallace | July 30, 2007 at 04:06 PM
We love you sooo much, Jeff!!! I can't believe your bodyguard was all over the place in your own home!
Posted by: GillianTee | July 30, 2007 at 04:08 PM
I will come back to your country again if for nothing other than beachers madhouse. I love Las Vegas!
Posted by: Rahjeed Fasond | July 30, 2007 at 04:09 PM
This was my first Madhouse show ever and it was just AMAZING! The atmosphere of the place was incredible and I had one hell of a time! Thank you, Beacher!
Posted by: LeeAnn F. | July 30, 2007 at 04:12 PM
Beacher, you should of thrown the after party at your house with your crazy bodyguard! You're the man, dude!!!
Posted by: MoverandShaker | July 30, 2007 at 04:17 PM
Id love to come home to Beacher in his underwear! That fat sexy man!
Posted by: italy.baby | July 30, 2007 at 04:18 PM
Beacher is the Hefner of Vegas. YOU ARE THE MAN!!!!
Posted by: Joachim | July 30, 2007 at 04:19 PM
Beacher, you are such a beast!
Posted by: Micah | July 30, 2007 at 04:21 PM
I want to stew in the sexpot that is Jeff Beacher.
Posted by: yeeeaaah_babee12 | July 30, 2007 at 04:23 PM
...I wonder what the vacuum was for ;) Beacher, you are my idol!!!!
Posted by: Ethan | July 30, 2007 at 04:24 PM
In the words of Paris Hilton: That's hot. Beacher, you're loved by so many!
Posted by: Single.Gurl | July 30, 2007 at 04:27 PM
I dont know what claps harder...Jeff Beachers audience, or my heart at the sight of that big beefy man!
Posted by: cristal | July 30, 2007 at 04:28 PM
Did you at least take pictures of this event, Beach?
Posted by: crazi_foo | July 30, 2007 at 04:29 PM
Beacher, you should run for President! :D
Posted by: all-In | July 30, 2007 at 04:31 PM
Beacher, Artie and yourself should do this again... this time, bring your dacked bodyguard with you HAHAHAHA!
Posted by: Aceinthehole | July 30, 2007 at 04:34 PM
Beacher, you're so adorable. What a way to handle the situation... even though the driver was totally crazy. I love you.
Posted by: gawdzgift | July 30, 2007 at 04:35 PM
I love the madhouse, i went last night thinking it was one, i was dissapointed that there were no gogo girls! And hard rock security were just awful, they should leave the VIP duties to the madhouse people who never seem to have a problem showing me to my seat. I look forward to September 29th for the next REAL show where I can enjoy myself and have a good time.
Posted by: Jamey | July 30, 2007 at 04:36 PM
I think every man on the planet should take notes from Beacher. He is PIMP!
Posted by: blakjakman | July 30, 2007 at 04:37 PM
Next time, are we invited to enjoy your pad, Jeff? :D
Posted by: TakeMeOutJeff | July 30, 2007 at 04:41 PM
With all the famous people Jeff Beacher knows they could throw one hell of an open bar after hours party.... What do ya say? Bring the Babies heh.
Posted by: SimpleMan | July 30, 2007 at 05:10 PM
Great show, Beacher!!!! I want to see more!!!!
Posted by: InDaHaus | July 30, 2007 at 05:12 PM
Jeff, seriously, every show you throw is totally awesome! Keep on bringing life to LV!
Posted by: TooManyPuppies | July 30, 2007 at 05:18 PM
Beacher is our man... and if he can't do it, I swear, nobody else can!
Posted by: LoneRider | July 30, 2007 at 05:19 PM
Jeff, you're too handsome for words! Thanks for a fabulous show!
Posted by: Alexanderia | July 30, 2007 at 05:23 PM
My first time in Vegas has been crazy! A good friend of mine said that we should totally go see Artie Lange at Beacher's Madhouse. Not knowing either one of them, I decided to check it out. I tell you what, this was the best time I've had in a VERY long time. Lange was just great and Beacher seems to have a wonderful style for entertainment! Thanks so much, Jeff. You are now my new hero!
Posted by: Rolf Jensen | July 30, 2007 at 05:30 PM
Nobody does it like Jeff Beacher and the Madhouse crew. Can't wait for the next amazing show!
Posted by: FlyHomeboy | July 30, 2007 at 05:38 PM
Jeff, every show I've been to at the Madhouse was so crazy!!! I love it! Everyone should have this much fun all the time! Thanks for making life enjoyable!!! You're the man now, dawg!
Posted by: Danny_Elfman | July 30, 2007 at 05:41 PM
The Hard Rock Hotel is the place to be in Vegas on Sat night. Everything seemed like a dream come true. All the sexy girls everywhere and the service was amazing! I'm glad I didn't have any problems with the security but it's lame that Artie did. Hopefully that will be remedied for the next show.
Posted by: MadDaddyO | July 30, 2007 at 05:44 PM
I love the fact that the author wasn't afraid to express his adventures with Jeff. Jeff seems to be one kick-ass guy who loves to have some serious fun! Thanks for the Artie Lange show, Beacher! I can't wait until another Variety Show!!!
Posted by: Emiee Johnson | July 30, 2007 at 05:47 PM
Jeff IS the man. There is no argument there! Next time, bring more of your babes :D
Posted by: Saprano Man | July 30, 2007 at 05:54 PM
There are no words to explain how rockin your show was... Jeff, I can't wait to see what else you've got runnin this year!!!
Posted by: Richard DeLeng | July 30, 2007 at 05:56 PM
I'm so jealous Jeff kidnapped you! What a wild night, it seems! Jeff, you're amazing! All hail the Madhouse!
Posted by: EZ_Laine | July 30, 2007 at 06:08 PM
What amazed me the most is how the show went. I heard that secuirty was all over the place. Jeff, you can handle any situation thrown at you and I look up to that! You're so good lookin! Can't wait to see more!
Posted by: Eliza | July 30, 2007 at 06:13 PM
You know what's wrong with the world? They're not getting enough of Jeff Beacher and his Madhouse. I think that would cure about 95% of what's going on in the world today. Jeff... go cure the world with your babes and dancers, plz? :D
Posted by: Joshuah | July 30, 2007 at 06:19 PM
I had a fabulous time at the Hard Rock last Saturday! The Artie Lange show was such a hit! I heard it was SOLD OUT! Amazing job, Jeff Beacher! You know exactly what Vegas wants!
Posted by: G-war_eater | July 30, 2007 at 06:21 PM
Jeff Beacher is just as addictive as nicotine... once you go to a Madhouse show, you can't stop. Bring us more, Beacher!
Posted by: Candycane | July 30, 2007 at 06:31 PM
What's amazing is that you would never expect that to happen... Jeff, you're one tight dude! You're taking on Vegas, man!
Posted by: Tony | July 30, 2007 at 06:40 PM
LOL! This is the best story I've read in a long time! I cannot believe your bodyguard was all f-ed up! I'm curious to know what he was doing with your vacuum cleaner! You're the man, Jeff!
Posted by: Archie | July 30, 2007 at 06:46 PM
OMG... Jeff, seriously, is it always like this on a Saturday night? You're soooo freakin AWESOME! I love how you handled the situation. I don't think I would be too happy about what I just wittnessed.
Posted by: Arnold | July 30, 2007 at 06:48 PM
Is it just me, or does Jeff Beacher rule all man kind?
Posted by: Morgan | July 30, 2007 at 06:48 PM
This very story should of been on film... Jeff, I'm not kidding. This is HILARIOUS!
Posted by: Chase | July 30, 2007 at 06:50 PM
I wonder how many times this has happened before? Either way, Jeff, an amazing show you put together! Totally impressed with the stage.
Posted by: Tracy | July 30, 2007 at 06:51 PM
How interesting. I wonder if your bodyguard will remember any of this HAHAHA. I bet when he reads this, he'll be quite embarrassed. Touche', Beacher!!!!
Posted by: Maria | July 30, 2007 at 06:53 PM
OH MAN! This is hilarious, Jeff. Moments like this makes you wish you could document it in more than just words.
Posted by: PiFTW | July 30, 2007 at 06:55 PM
Skiwies, huh? Aren't you suppose to save that for the after party, Beacher? <3
Posted by: Ann Curey | July 30, 2007 at 06:57 PM
Who's the man? Jeff Beacher is! Who knows how to make it all worth while? Jeff Beacher! Can't wait for the next show!
Posted by: Jeff | July 30, 2007 at 06:58 PM
I like the fact that your bodyguard vacuumed your floor and thought about a new office for you. ^_^ Jeff, you're quite a stud! Keep the Madhouse pumpin.
Posted by: RedHotz | July 30, 2007 at 06:59 PM
Jeff Makes It Happen. No Questions Asked!!! MADHOUSE RULEZ!
Posted by: Lil_Dudez | July 30, 2007 at 07:00 PM
Jeff Beacher would totally take out Chuck Norris with a roundhouse kick to the face.
Posted by: Chuck | July 30, 2007 at 07:02 PM
WHY DOES BEACHER KEEP LEAVING FAKE COMMENTS LIKE THEY ARE NOT HIM? EVERY COMMENT HERE IS PRAISING THIS FAT NOTHING EVERY OTHER MINUTE. JEFF WE CAN SEE WHAT TIME YOU POSTED THEM!!!!
YOU HAVE SELF ESTEEM ISSUES FATTY!
Posted by: brian france | March 13, 2008 at 02:10 AM