Jeff Beacher: Fat Man Running

And, from what I hear, Beacher isn't one of those in town who pays appearance fees to celebrities (which does not mean Beacher will not kiss serious celebrity butt to get someone to come to his show — I've watched, it ain't pretty). When he arrived in Vegas, Beacher the maverick exemplified the difference in styles between the private casinos like Hard Rock (and, its main competitor, the Palms) and the more corporate resorts in Vegas like the properties run by MGM Mirage. What is truly amazing about Beacher is that his methods of self-promotion are so successful that these days he even finds, himself, in business with a Harrah's property (a corporate culture if there ever was one) with Beacher's Rockhouse at Imperial Palace.

Anyway, I was going to interview Beacher about his latest publicity stunt. But instead I am going to quote from his press release directly:

"The Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in conjunction with the Las Vegas Marathon are creating the next Hollywood Heartthrob. As a symbolic first step on a one-year quest to lose 100 pounds and run the 2007 New Las Vegas Marathon, 370-pound Jeff Beacher, creator and host of the Vegas headlining show Beacher's Madhouse, plans to walk as far as he can at the 2006 race on Dec. 10."

I am guessing he ain't walking too far in 2006. But the kicker is that like his pal Paris Hilton, Beacher will be taking a vow of celibacy until he loses the weight. Let me return to the press release where one can suspect the hand of Beacher, himself (sort of like Shakespeare as Hand D), in the writing:

"Beacher is so serious about this he is offering a $100,000 to any women who can break his abstinence. He will also give $100,000 to his charity. Beacher's dance troop consists of over 150 HOT go-go dancers, not to mention that women find him so irresistible. It is not uncommon to see him fighting off a number of attractive ladies at any given time. This will truly be a test of will power for Beacher."

I have a few thoughts here. First, forget the go-go dancers. I suspect this is a more serious challenge to every prostitute in Las Vegas. If you have sex with Jeff Beacher; Beacher has to pay you $100,000. You go, girls. There are of course a couple other loopholes. Sex isn't defined in the press release at all and in Las Vegas even Bill Clinton probably has too conservative a view of what actually constitutes sex. I am going to leave that one alone.

But I am worried about another loophole, so I am going to call Beacher later today to seek clarification: Beacher is only requiring himself to be chaste until he reaches 270 pounds. (that would be dropping 100 pounds, assuming he is honestly 370 pounds now. This is a man, after all, who holds his annual 29-nth birthday party). But if he does get to 270 pounds in a few months, he could then go back to having sex and thus eating with abandon, ruining his important diet and training regimen. He could be pushing 400 again before the marathon in December 2007! That's not safe. So I am going to call Beacher today to see if I can get his offer of celibacy to stay good until after he runs the race in December 2007. It is for Beacher's own good, because I care.

(Photo: Sarah Gerke / For The Times)