Lange Interview Live From CineVegas
02:48 PM PT, Jun 16 2006
Artie Lange has not had an easy night. The Howard Stern Show funnyman says he is nursing a slight hangover and instead of checking him in under an alias, the Palms has listed his real name and people have been calling his room all night. That should be changed by the time you read this. Lange wants to play me one of the messages, so we head to his room. The message is a from a fan in Illinois who wants Lange to know he is loved, or at least that is the gist of the guy's obscenity-filled monologue. "He called all night," Lange says. I digitally tape the message and promise to e-mail Lange the MP3. At first, I think it is for security reasons in case the guy is a psycho, but actually Lange is considering playing the weird message at his day job on Howard Stern's show.
For those not who don't follow Lange in his day job, the trip comes at a particularly fragile point in his life. Noted for his past excessive behaivor, Las Vegas has been the scene of some of Lange's most notorious debaucheries. Today, however, he comes to the den of temptation in the midst of a multiyear relationship which, as has been much discussed on the show, may be at its end.
Here is the text of my interview.
Q: Did you really throw a cantaloupe at your old manager?
A: It was an orange. I had some drug problems back then.
Q:What is it that Vegas represents to you?
A: A lot of people ask me that. The last few times I came here with the Howard Stern Show I nearly died. One time they ran a story on my death on the local station when a Stern fan made a prank call. The depressing thing is that everyone believed it. Here I am in my mid-30s and everyone just goes, "OK, he's dead."
Q: Why would people think that about you?
A: Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose. I was at the Hard Rock in my room with my girlfriend when security called to check if I was all right. They had to come up to physically see me alive. They called the news just before it ran nationally. We played the report on the Stern show and it was listening to your own eulogy. I was in the same suite that John Entwistle of The Who had died like six months earlier. I am a big Who fan so it would have been an honor but I guess it is not my time yet. God let me roll. Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
Q: You seem totally sober right now?
A: I am. I got in last night and immediately had to do some work. Right now there is a lot of nervous energy, I have the screening (of "Artie Lange's Beer League" at CineVegas). But then afterwards I have nothing to do until late tomorrow. So later tonight I am going to really blow it out a little bit.
Q: How does it feel to have your film in CineVegas?
A: Great. I am not a film festival kind of guy. I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say. So this was the most fantastic news ever when they said we were in this. It is a movie that will get laughs and people who don't normally go to film festivals. Our crowds tonight are already sold out and this is going to turn some people on to film festivals who would never normally go.
Q: Considering your Vegas history, is this a good thing for you and your girlfriend?
A: If this wasn't a work thing I probably would have had to cancel. I wanted her to come but she couldn't make it at the last minute. We are having some issues. It is probably my fault. I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life. So on the Stern show, the last month has been an on-air soap opera. Have we broken up? Are we together? When I left yesterday we were together so I am going to behave myself. But I was going to get a lady of the night before that happened.
Q: So, that is not happening. No hookers this weekend?
A: I was ready. But I am going to be a good boy this weekend.
Q: But your definition of a good boy still involves gambling and drinking?
A: Absolutely. A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
Q: So, it is just no hookers?
A: No hookers. Bad news for the hooker industry, because I am a sucker.
Q: You're a big tipper?
A: You know, if a waiter gets your food to you quickly in a restaurant you give him something a little extra. Same goes with a hooker.
Q: I am not going to ask what that means.
A: It means that if a hooker gets me some food quickly, I'll give her extra money.
Q: Is it weird to have your personal life become your public career?
A: Yeah. It's a double-edged sword. I had a career before the Stern show, on Mad TV. I was on the first two seasons of that and I got kicked off it because of possession of cocaine. I went on a cocaine binge that started in Vegas at the Tyson-Holyfield fight. I bet on Tyson and lost $15,000 on the fight and then lost $6,000 at the tables before heading back to L.A. I went to rehearsals coked up and got arrested. When I got out of that I thought my career was over and Norm MacDonald, who I had never met, had a casting director for "Dirty Work" who gave me an audition with him and I got the part and I got back into show business. I said this is a second chance at an existence and I was really grateful for that. When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs. Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that. But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.
Q: Do you worry that if your life worked out you would no longer have a career?
A: It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world. (He was) in a marriage that was miserable, but could not get laid because of it. He wasn't making great money in the beginning. That is how he became famous. But he was not a one-trick pony and he's proved that now. The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent. So who knows? If I get lucky enough one day to have Howard's money and life.... Actually, you know what, if I ever get Howard money I am going to retire. I don't have Howard's work ethic. By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long.
Q: So you actually think your gambling and drinking will last longer than your career?
A: Yeah, hopefully. I mean the career is there to feed both of those things. So, hopefully, I'll have enough scratch in the bank that I will be able to keep doing those things at a comfortable level.
After Lange and I finish the interview, Lange calls Jeff Beacher and they make plans to hook up later at CineVegas. I hope to join them. I don't drink and gamble but it sure would be fun to watch them do both. If that happens, I'll be sure to give you all the details.
(Photo: Stuart Ransom / AP)
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I love Stern, your the best baby, Artie here you on the radio and saw you at the Madhouse, and Mr. Vegas him self... Jeff Beacher you ROCK!!!!!
Posted by: Tiffany Tyler | June 16, 2006 at 06:03 PM
the guy is a loser. His gf should run in the opposite direction. He doesn't learn from his mistakes. He is on my dead pool list. over/under 2 years. I take under.
Posted by: theundertaker | June 18, 2006 at 04:51 AM
Screw the guy's comment above me. He's just trying to get a reaction. I love you Artie!! You are so adorable! Come to Boston soon...
Posted by: Rachel | June 18, 2006 at 08:59 AM
Artie is a funny guy and maybe he needs to search inside himself to feel his true feelings while he still has time...he could go either way, life or death...it's up to him
Posted by: willawaken | June 18, 2006 at 09:30 AM
Artie is amazingly talented, creative, and quick-witted. He HAS to be brilliant to memorize lines (like every scene in the Godfather). Don't go Beluchi and rob us of your talent!
Posted by: ken | June 18, 2006 at 10:13 AM
Arite is the best...but damn get that picture of you and your Dad off of the site..it makes me cry..!! Seriously, Artie's talent makes the show in my opinion...
"who dis? Hi fred..."
Posted by: christine | June 18, 2006 at 11:42 AM
Artie the way you feel about Howard being a regular guy is how we feel about you. Your a great talent and you bring so much to the show you baby gorilla.
F Jackie, we love you in a non gay way!
Posted by: tony | June 18, 2006 at 11:56 AM
artie is the best addition to the stern show ever. he is such a quick wit and always makes me laugh. will see beer league no matter what.
huge fan.
Posted by: paul | June 18, 2006 at 12:09 PM
Artie is living the "American Dream" more power to him. I jwish him all the success in the world.
May God bless him and his.
Posted by: JohnJoh104 | June 18, 2006 at 12:49 PM
Artie the way you feel about Howard being a regular guy is how we feel about you. Your a great talent and you bring so much to the show you baby gorilla.
baby gorilla
baby gorillababy gorillababy gorillababy gorilla
Posted by: BEET | June 18, 2006 at 03:00 PM
Artie,
I can relate to you totally. Grew up on the Jersey Shore. Frankie Valli was probably at the
"Stardust". I saw "little Richard" myself. Unfortunately, the Jersey shore has changed drastically! Anyway, You are terrific on the show! Because you are such a good guy, you are having problems with Dana. I'll tell you one thing...you will make a "great" Dad someday! Take care.
Posted by: pam cavalieri | June 18, 2006 at 03:00 PM
HEY RETARD! your the greatest. you bring so much to the show! i wish you would come to the tampa bay area. the show has improved so much since you joined. driving to work is so much more enjoyable then when jackie was on the show. your the funniest..but don't give up on the dana thing!
Posted by: roseann | June 18, 2006 at 03:28 PM
hey artie if it wasnt 4 u and that crazy bitch i wount be able to get threw some of my days u big fat drunk i love u
Posted by: Bob | June 18, 2006 at 03:45 PM
Artie rocks,
I hope you have fun with your $3500 hooker this weekend you horny bastard!!
Posted by: Jakob | June 18, 2006 at 04:20 PM
Artie, I live in Phoenix, go to LV all the time. I can never explain to people what it is I Love about that city. "...comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time" summed it up better than I ever could. I will probably live there some day. Buy you a Jack and Coke some day. Love all you guys. Even Baba Boohi.
Posted by: TV Bob, PHX | June 18, 2006 at 04:32 PM
Artie-We love you! Please take care of yourself- we don't want to see you dead- You are the best!
Tonya
Posted by: Tonya | June 18, 2006 at 04:43 PM
At a boy Artie hope you had fun this weekend, you only live once. Just don't die on me or anything ya silly bastard, because I enjoy listening to you every morning too much.
Posted by: Chris | June 18, 2006 at 05:12 PM
Howard Stern is a regular guy, what a crock of crap
I will have to tell Howard that the next time I see him at Nobu or in his Hamptons mansion. Howard stopped being a regular guy in 2000.
And Artie Lange represents the momment when the Howard Stern show turned into the Howard Stern Morning Zoo, featuring Artie Lange, along with two no talents Sal and Richard
Posted by: Jackie Martling | June 18, 2006 at 05:18 PM
Artie........you are the absolute "best" thing to happen to the Stern show......your quick wit and banter with the guests have me rolling on the floor at times........stay strong and Dana is a doll!!!!
Keep up the Jeff the Drunk impressions.....that is your best!!!!!!
Posted by: Heidi | June 18, 2006 at 05:28 PM
Artie,
I am your number one fan. You are the funniest person on the planet. Everyday I tell my friends your one liners (My recent favorites"When I am peeing and look down, it looks like water dribbling out of my stomach", or after they played George Takei saying how much he loves Osama Bin Laden, you said, "Now George, this is not related, but please speak these words clearly into the mic, Mussolini and Idi Amin"). You are brillant! Love you, Love You, love you (hi Fred)
Posted by: Terry | June 18, 2006 at 06:06 PM
Artie! wake up and do the right thing w/ Dana!!! Just go to the shrink, sit on the couch, and day-dream of donuts! then, everyone is happy!! She's adoreable and she only cares about you. If you don't want her- I do!!!!
Posted by: Joe-Rocker | June 18, 2006 at 06:27 PM
Haven't heard The Howard Stern Show since he left regular radio. Neither have about 14 million other people! Good luck, you greedy bastard!
Posted by: Dick Monti | June 18, 2006 at 06:55 PM
Artie is GOD! The best thing to happen to the stern show ever! F crazy alice artie rules!!
Posted by: chris lee | June 18, 2006 at 07:19 PM
watch out. they want you dead for the pub. you gonna take one for the show?
Posted by: tom | June 18, 2006 at 09:01 PM
Artie--I got on line tonight to see if Dana got to go to Vegas with you. I'm bummed to find out she couldn't go. Love who you are and hope you get everything you want. Can't wait to see your movie. Sal and Richard are just getting annoying. Somebody needs to reel them in.
Posted by: stephanie | June 18, 2006 at 09:55 PM
Hey Artie,
After Vegas come to Halifax, Nova Scotia. We got a casino and the most drinking establishments per capita in North America (or so I have heard). If you and Dana aren't together, then we got a lot of women here for you too. You might not even have to pay for them, but if you do, they will be more polite when they hit you up for the $500. Come up and have some fun baby gorilla!
Posted by: Walter Derengoski | June 19, 2006 at 05:11 AM
Artie makes me laugh. Howard should lay off him and let Artie be Artie. I love Artie just the way he is. He's just a sweet Italian man. Howard, let him be. Love you Artie.
Posted by: Jeanine Parker | June 19, 2006 at 11:05 AM
Artie is an awesome addition to the Stern Show. Hands down better than Jackie. I enjoy his "regular" guy antics. He's not "on" for the show.
Posted by: PP | June 19, 2006 at 11:31 AM
Hey Artie bad move getting back with dana At least you should have gone to vegas with NOTIES HERE!!!!!BAD MOVE DUDE
Oh well I hope everything works out for you!!
Posted by: eric | June 19, 2006 at 11:33 AM
See you in hell, Artie!
Posted by: Frank | June 19, 2006 at 12:04 PM
Artie you kick ass! Love the show! Hope you stay with Dana. Take me to a sox-bombers game! yankees suck you f'n devil dog! keep makin us laugh!
Posted by: yankee hater | June 19, 2006 at 01:40 PM
Artie did have a hooker in vegas, you still remember her name artie? you call her Meg but its Megan.
Posted by: clarence | June 19, 2006 at 02:54 PM
Artie is hilarious. Now that Stern is on 24 hours a day, I drive around by myself laughing constantly, trying to find reasons to stay in traffic.
Posted by: Kayo | June 19, 2006 at 02:58 PM
ARTIE IS JERSEY REPRESENTIN'!! Love you Artie, you make me laugh everyday! Who could ask for more?? Keep it real and realer, enjoy your success!
Danielle in Hackensack
Posted by: Danielle | June 19, 2006 at 06:46 PM
Artie: You are really the funniest man alive! Please start taking care of yourself. We're all listening to you commit suicide bite by bite, on the radio. You are a terribly bright man which is demonstrated by your amazingly quick wit. It's very distressing to look at you and see what you have done to yourself, the weight is frightening, do you really want to die? Please don't travel the route of Belushi, Farley and John Candy. You have to assume control of your life and you will be rewarded. You'll win Dana, Howard and your fans' respect, good health, a long life and a career more amazing than the one you have now. Beat the odds and show us what funny guys like Belushi, Farley and Candy could have given us if they had gotten a modicum of control over themselves. I love you and you are by far my favorite comedian. I would so hate to lose you. I love Howard, Robin, Fred, Gary and the rest, but you by far make the show most "human". Live for your MOM, live for Dana, live for us!
Posted by: Jayme | June 19, 2006 at 07:05 PM
Artie,
You are charlie chaplin with a beer belly! Howard and you are the batman and robin of comedy! Where you get those brilliant one liners I'll never know - but they are perfectly timed and placed like a well thrown baseball. Keep up the spontaneous work! Enjoy Vegas!
Posted by: David | June 19, 2006 at 08:55 PM
Anyone notice Jackie Martling Boo-Hooing again! Stop bad mouthing Howard!!! How dare you post on Artie's weblog. Go get a life loser! We love Artie and the Sal/Richard combo too! F-you Jackie!
Posted by: Melanie Kayser | June 20, 2006 at 08:53 AM
Artie is the best thing to ever happen to the Stern Show (Next to Goerge, that is.). Any negative comments are from the jealous.
Posted by: Tom_Ahh_Toe | June 20, 2006 at 09:01 AM
Nice to see that Artie didnt self-combust while in Vegas this weekend. Perhaps he can keep from going over the edge like Belushi, Farley, Candy, and Pryor...I'd put him in that league of talent.
There is a little too much self-loathing happenin' with Artie, and thats why a trip to the shrink could help him out, he should do it for that reason alone, not because its a "Dana'r" issue.
That said, he makes me laugh like hell, one because he is a great comedian, and two because he reminds me a few friends of mine, 1 dead, 2 living............
To all the Howard bashers above.....get a grip, its just a radio show, if you dont like it, turn it off and go listen to something else
Have a Nice Day........... Hi Fred.....
Posted by: Nick Danger | June 20, 2006 at 11:58 AM
Artie,
I LOVE the beard!!!!Lookin' good. Thank you for what you bring to the show, better than Jackie ever was. Did he really post to your site?
Can't wait for Beer League, I'll be first in line.
Posted by: Tina | June 21, 2006 at 04:00 AM
FIIIRRREE!
Posted by: dfgs | June 21, 2006 at 09:58 AM
Artie is the reason I didn't follow Howard to
pay-radio.
The Stern show was great when Jackie was in the 2nd chair. Artie is a bore. Don't care about him. Won't listen to him.
Jackie's girl
Posted by: Jackie's girl | June 21, 2006 at 02:01 PM
Artie, Dont listen to that last person. You rock. You add such humor to the show. I at times have to pull over in my car as to not wreck. Keep fighting with alice, shes a scream. Keep up the awesome job,(making me laugh and cry at the same time)God bless your father. He is so proud!!!!
Posted by: Patricia | June 21, 2006 at 04:54 PM
Artie you are the man....just keep being what you are,which is a real guy with real life problems who knows how to laugh at himself and the rest of the world. YOU F-in RULE!!
Posted by: King of All Wops | June 21, 2006 at 05:06 PM
I love artie I can realate in some ways i just hope the booze doesn"t kill him
Posted by: jazzy | June 21, 2006 at 05:19 PM
Artie, you rock, great movie man. Better than Gigli
Posted by: Scott | June 21, 2006 at 09:49 PM
Artie,
Forget Dana, try and hook up with Rebecca Romijin, then maybe you can get in Beth's drawers, just like Stamos did. Love you, you drunken baby gorilla.
Posted by: Weasel | June 22, 2006 at 06:08 AM
FIIIIIIIIRE!!!! ARTIE, YOU HAVE BEEN 10 TIMES BETTER SINCE MOVING TO SIRIUS...HOPE ALL WORKS OUT WITH DANAR...JUST WATCHED GODFATHER I & II WITH MY DAD WHILE WE WAS TERMINAL, BEST MEMORY OF OUR LIVES...KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, UR POPS HAS GOTTA BE PROUD!
Posted by: JOE | June 22, 2006 at 06:34 AM
Artie, I think you're the bomb. You're the best thing to happen to the Howard Stern show.
Tell everyone to mind their own business when it comes to you and Dana. You are on FIRE!
Posted by: Judy Powers | June 22, 2006 at 10:53 AM
Artie, loose few pounds and you will fell better. i think your cool.
Posted by: Scott | June 23, 2006 at 06:00 PM
I Love You Artie. You don't need to pay for it! You can get it for free!
Posted by: Joanie | June 30, 2006 at 09:34 AM
I love you Artie!! I love to listen to you on my way to work. I cannot wait to see you on Entourage.
Posted by: Jessica | July 02, 2006 at 12:15 AM
Hey now you crazy mutha-effer! Good interview.
Posted by: KOAJaps | July 03, 2006 at 03:12 AM
Three phrases should be among the most common in our daily usage. They are: Thank you, I am grateful and I appreciate.
Posted by: penis enlargement | February 25, 2007 at 12:35 AM
Three phrases should be among the most common in our daily usage. They are: Thank you, I am grateful and I appreciate.
Posted by: penis enlargement | May 23, 2007 at 01:34 AM
artie,your wey better than jackie.You changed the show for the best.long time fan ,unable to have sirius at this time,Amen to the website for daily updates.Good luck with the shore house.Live strong@Party hard
Posted by: Dan | June 29, 2007 at 09:13 AM